


Set Fire To My Veins

by IllFindMyWay_InTheMoonLight



Category: Emma Swan - Fandom, Once Upon A Time - Fandom, Regina Mills - Fandom, ouat, swan queen - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Dom/sub, F/F, Fight Scene, Sex, Slow Burn, Smut, Talk of Rape, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:48:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23594851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IllFindMyWay_InTheMoonLight/pseuds/IllFindMyWay_InTheMoonLight
Summary: Regina hadn’t felt a thing in almost five decades, but now there is a stranger in town, a stranger that challenges her, keeps her on her feet and sets her veins on fire. And so, Regina does the only thing she knows how to do- she fights.There is a massive time jump part way through, in that time the story follows everything that has happened from early season 1 to just about the end of season 6.Trigger Warning. Violence, mentions of sexual abuse/rape, rough angry sex and generally dark feels in this story. You have been warned.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 6
Kudos: 63





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this years ago, left it and only came back to it last week. So, it's not where I was originally going, but hopefully it's enjoyable.

Henry had been missing since the early morning and still, I didn’t feel all that much. I knew what I was supposed to feel, and I knew how to faux hurt, fear, love- everything a normal woman would feel when their ten-year-old son had gone missing- But I just didn’t feel, I hadn’t felt anything in half a century. It wasn’t that I didn’t love Henry because I did, deep down, somehow, I loved him and I know that because of how much I feel for him now- how much I Iove him now.

That love, the love I have for my son and many other things now, was kickstarted by the strangest thing. A stranger, a stranger I had known for years.

I had been standing in the foyer of my home. Frustrated to no end, I had been pretending to feel things I didn’t for the entire day- I just wanted some peace and quiet but god lord the man wouldn’t leave me alone… He wanted me to feel and express my emotions in a way he understood, and quite frankly that was exhausting.

Finally, his focus was moved from me, and for the split second that I took me to register his curiosity I was left staring at his stubble covered jaw- somehow still so sharp. I used to eat men like him for dinner, and now he ate me. Not in the same way, of course, he could never weld the power I did. He could never understand how or why drawing blood brought me pleasure. He didn’t understand that it was my only way to access any feeling.

His eyes were focused on movement outside, and I too could now see what he was so drawn to. Henry, and a stranger, walking up my garden path. I opened the door and rushed out to greet Henry- I engulfed him in a hug. I may not have been the emotional type, but I was sincerely happy to see my son, unharmed and home. I know, I must look like a monster, a woman undeserving of a child, but know now my ways have changed. I was reborn that night, and again many nights after.

Henry roughly pulled from my embrace yelling that he had found his real mother as he rushed into the house behind me. I turned to watch him retreat but didn’t date to follow him. My eyes once again fell to stubble, and then I looked upwards, capturing a set of dark brown eyes. They seemed to understand me, and with a nod, he followed Henry back into the house.

Now, with a clear mind, I turned to the stranger standing mere feet from me. She looked so meek and helpless, awkward and out of place. She didn’t even understand why she was there, and yet she felt the need to speak, to assert herself, make herself known as if she didn’t already stick out like a sore thumb. That ghastly red leather jacket made my skin crawl. “Hi,” She offered a small wave and hopeful smile. What I know now is that this stranger is far from the timid and small woman she made herself out to be.

I stared wordlessly at her for far too long, but I couldn’t help myself; this woman, this stranger, ignited something in me. Anger, fear. She was Henry’s birth mother, the one that had wanted nothing to do with her child, and all of a sudden - ten years on - she posed a threat to my delicate ecosystem, the one that I had spent many years perfecting.

She squirmed under my firm and unwavering gaze, and all of a sudden, I felt like a lioness about to pounce on her prey. “How would you like a glass of the best apple cider you’ve ever tasted?” I smiled towards her- not for her.

She seemed to relax a little now. “Got anything stronger?”

I nodded and lead her into the house. I had something _much_ stronger- but generally, that was to intensify emotion, not dampen it. 

As we stepped into the foyer, _he_ was coming down the stairs. “Madame Mayor,” He called, “Apart from being tired, the lad’s alright.” His Irish accent prominent in his voice. I nodded in acknowledgement and he did the same. After reaching the bottom of the stairs he tipped his head towards us and soon he -the man who used to Sheriff my town- was gone. 

Leading her towards my den I said, “Sorry to drag you from your life.” These days it was so easy for me to lie.

She followed behind, telling me it wasn’t a worry. That she was at least happy Henry was safe now. I had agreed as I poured two drinks before taking a seat opposite to her on a lounge in the den. And from there we fell into a long silence. I couldn’t help but stare and apparently neither could she. I watched her watching me, dragging her eyes all over me as if I was a- what- something to be looked at, admired, taken in. I hadn’t been looked at that way in an entire lifetime, I had forgotten what it felt like. I had forgotten that surge of confidence, the pride and the unwanted shivers up my spine.

“I’m Emma, by the way,” Her voice much lower than before. “Emma Swan,”

I nodded curtly- I suppose an introduction was necessary. “Regina Mills.” I returned.

She nodded slowly as if she were trying to find her next unnecessary string of words. “Well, this is weird, huh?” She awkwardly laughed, unfolding from herself. She physically spread out- no longer small, but instead long and taking up entirely too much space- her legs spread wide open and her arms resting along the back of her couch. And that’s when I knew this woman was anything but what she seemed.

“I’d call this unnecessary, not weird,” I said sternly. She seemed to recoil at my words, for just a split second, and then somehow, she was taking up more space- physically and mentally.

“I gave the kid up because I wanted him to have a good happy life,” Her voice so strong and serious. “So, making sure that he is indeed happy and safe is not, in any way, unnecessary.” She seemed so certain, so fierce and filled with emotion.

“I assure you, Henry is safe and happy.” I was lying again, but at this point, I had told the lie so many times that everyone believed it. I tried to make him happy, with a wealthy life, a good school, toys that no other child had, but I knew deep down that wasn’t enough for him- I wasn’t enough.

“I don’t believe you,” She- _Emma_ , spat.

My skin prickled, muscles tensing. _She knew_. How did she know. My smile tightened, “Miss Swan, you have known _my son_ for the whole of a day, _believe me,_ he is safe and happy here.” How dare she challenge me.

“I believe that he is safe,” She admitted easily, “But happy,” She shook her head lightly. “He wouldn’t have caught a bus to Boston if he was happy…” I went to interject, correct her, win my own case but before I could speak she put her hand up- as if she knew. “I’m not saying that’s your fault, I’m not saying _you_ make him unhappy. However,” She looked sternly at me, “He seems to be going through something- he is trying to figure out who he is and where he belongs.”

She seemed so righteous, so sickeningly insightful. “How on earth would you know that, Miss Swan.” I didn’t like her one bit- she stepped into my house, a meek and small facade and now as her true large and vulgar personality shone through as she dared to challenge me- to act as if she knew better.

She shrugged, her once bright eyes faded. “I grew up without my birth parents as well, got curious about his age. It was hard.” I peered at the woman across from me; she had so easily admitted to a hardship- she was so open and yet, so hard to read.

I nodded because there truly wasn’t anything to say. I wanted to fight with her because I knew she would fight back- and I craved the feeling of power… winning. But I couldn’t fight her on this, something deep down- perhaps my long lost conscious- told me that this wasn’t a fight worth having, I’d have to find another reason to be able to assert my dominance.

“Right,” She slapped her hands to her thighs. “I should go,” She put her untouched drink onto the coffee table between us. “I’ll say good night to Henry and get out of your hair.” She stood.

I stood to meet her eye; though if I weren’t in heels, she’d tower over me. “Henry would be sleeping by now. I’ll tell him you said goodbye and you can be on your way back to Boston.”

She shook her head, feet firmly on the ground. “I won't leave until I’ve said goodbye to him. He deserves that much, at least.”

Oh, how I wanted this argument to escalate. “Miss Swan, leave town. He deserves a stable life, one where his dead-beat birth mother isn’t here to confuse him any further.” I knew exactly what I was saying, and the look on Miss Swans face told me I had succeeded- There was no way in hell that Emma Swan was leaving town. She thought she was staying of her own volition, for the good of her son. But no, in reality, she was staying to win the war I had just waged.

She shook her head at me with a scoff. “You think you’re better than me, but I see right through you.” And with those words, Emma Swan was walking out of the den and then out of my house. My shoulders collapsed as I heard the front door close- she really could see me, which was partly terrifying but more than anything it was invigorating, exciting.

……

I hadn’t seen the ghastly Miss Swan all day but I knew she hadn’t left last night. It was a small town, and when a stranger is more than passing through there are whisperings, gossip, turned heads and of course, so many questions.

So, when I walked into the busiest diner on Main Street, I wasn’t at all surprised to see Miss Swan; annoyed yes, but I was almost expecting it. My boring morning at the office meant I was looking for excitement more than usual. Walking up to the woman I slid my hand along the counter and came right to Emma’s side. “Miss Swan, you’re still here.” I started innocently.

She turned to me, a faint line of cocoa on her upper lip. “I am,” she nodded. “haven’t had the chance to say goodbye to the kid yet.” She stated obviously.

I smiled as I glared at her. “Right, well you may want to make yourself comfortable. The housing market is quite affordable in this town.”

She flashed a sincere smile. “Are you inviting me to stay in town, Madame Mayor?” She lifted her brows, a cocky grin now taking over her sincere one.

I paused for a second, frozen. It had been so long since someone would dare talk back to me. I loathed the woman but I loved the game. “Well, I’d prefer you contributing to the town’s economy rather than seeing _my son_ again.”

It was then that Emma Swan realised that the game I was playing was far from light-hearted banter. I was serious, and if she wanted to survive she too would have to get on my level.

“Right,” She nodded at me, “It’s a shame to think you’re the type of person that thinks a kid can’t have two mothers.” She smirked at me with a wink.

My eyes dug into hers. She was definitely playing a game, but she wasn’t at all playing _my game_. And she knew that. I pursed my lips and glared at her. “Wit won’t get you far, Miss Swan.”

“Oh,” She grinned. “You think I’m funny.”

This woman made my skin crawl, she was so annoying, frustrating. Childish. “Don’t flatter yourself, Miss Swan.”

She shrugged, “You’re right, I should be saving the flattery for you.”

I hated that this woman refused to play _my game_ , why couldn’t she argue hatefully with me. If I hadn’t been taught by mother to use flirting as a weapon- so many years ago- Miss Swan’s game may have thrown me. Instead, it irritated me, I wanted more emotion from these interactions, I wanted more from her because I knew she capable.

“Miss Swan, your attempt at flattery is dismal and I don’t take kindly to it.” I moved in a little closer to her. “Leave my town and you’ll have no trouble… But stay? Well, Miss Swan, you’ll be in a world of hurt.”

I turned to leave, the acquirement of lunch long forgotten, and over my shoulder I heard. “Perhaps I like pain.” I didn’t acknowledge her, instead, I marched forwards and out onto the street.

I walked back to the town hall, my thoughts swirling endlessly. I wanted to fight with Emma Swan, that much I knew, but deep down there was a part of me telling me I wanted more. I wanted fiery and fire, I wanted an all-out war with this woman because in such a short amount of time she had me feeling again for the first time in so very long.

It wasn’t abnormal for people to annoy me or frustrate me, but with this Miss Swan, it was so very different. Something about her made my skin crawl, that made my blood boil, that made me feel- really truly feel with every ounce of my being. And I had been coasting by on surface emotions for the better half of a century. I didn’t want to let this feeling go, because I felt alive and I had forgotten how invigorating it felt.

……

I saw Miss Swan again the next day, again in the diner but this time it was in the late afternoon. I had decided to take Henry there after school as a treat and unfortunately, it seemed that Miss Swan had nowhere better to be.

“Emma!” Henry had seen her first, rushing across the diner to her side. I soon after followed.

“Hey, Kid,” Emma returned Henry’s enthusiasm.

“Mom, you didn’t tell me we were having dinner with Emma!” Henry grinned from ear to ear as he looked back at me.

I knew my words would crush him “We aren’t.” By the look on his face, they really had. “It’s an unfortunate coincidence that Miss Swan is here.” That seemed to hurt both of them, and what really got to me was that in that moment I could truly see the family resemblance.

“But she can join us, right?” Henry asked hopefully. The boy was still so young and naïve; I had never wanted to hurt him, and yet, I found myself doing it quite frequently.

“I believe Miss Swan has a life to get back to in Boston, Henry,” I tried to let him down gently, but I knew it would hurt him either way.

Emma injected into the moment I was sharing with Henry. “Well, my work is actually freelance- So, I’m going to be staying around for a while.” She grinned at me, knowing just how much it would piss me off to hear those words.

I smiled tightly back at her. “That isn’t a wise decision, Miss Swan.” It was a threat and she knew it.

I’m sure she would have tried to make a witty remark, or even flirt, in response to my threat but before she had the chance Henry had wrapped his arms around her waist and began to cheer. “I’m so happy!” He looked up at Miss Swan- his mother- with a joy-filled heart.

I could feel my entire body tense- Henry already loved Miss Swan in a way he would, or could, never love me… and it hurt, deep down where all of my pain used to hide.

That night I made a point of ordering take-away. I hadn’t wanted to stay in Miss Swan’s company for much longer. That night I hadn’t wanted to fight with her, not even a mere little argument- no, that night I just wished her out of existence because I knew, in a way I had lost part of Henry forever. Mourning that loss was an unusual feeling, it made me sick, and the whole night I was wide awake staring at the ceiling. It had been so long since I had properly felt anything of the sort and it made me feel weak. The coming morning, I had built up my walls a thousand times higher- a moat and fire breathing dragon to protect myself from hurt. I was prepared for those walls to never come down, not even a brick… But what I hadn’t noticed was that Emma Swan had already begun to take it down; brick by lonely brick- which would soon become a sledgehammer to a few dozen and then, with a few years preparation Emma Swan would destroy every brick in the wall I had built around myself with two small words. _I’m in._

……

The Sheriff had brought to my attention that Miss Swan had sought lodge at the local inn. She was making herself comfortable to spite me and little did she know; it was exactly what I wanted. Miss Swan had originally stayed in town because I got under her skin, I ignited a fight in her- much like she did for me. But, after a few days in town Miss Swan’s priorities had shifted. She still fought me on just about everything she could, but now, she was more focused on Henry. Their bond was growing, cementing. And I was losing that passionate energy that Emma Swan had first shown me on the night we met. I was losing the fight because Miss Swan no longer cared.

Miss Swan had seen Henry three times since that night in the diner. Twice Henry had left school and went looking for her at the diner- and it was twice I attempted to ground him. The third he had gone after school- I hadn’t panicked when his teachers said he had walked home, I knew exactly where he was because it was now the third day in a row that Henry had gone running into _his mother’s_ arms.

I had found the two laughing away in the back booth of the Main Street Diner. I hadn’t barged into their conversation because I was too curious but it angered me when they took so long to notice my presence. I was quickly realising I was no longer the all-powerful head-turning Queen I used to be.

“Henry,” I scolded. “I was to pick you up at school.” He looked to me, little care on his face.

“I wanted to see Emma,” He argued, but my, his voice was so small back then.

“Kid,” Miss Swan scolded, though it wasn’t nearly as threatening as mine. “You told me your mother knew you were here.” He looked to Miss Swan and shrugged, a grin pulling at the corner of his lips. Because he thought he could get away with being cute.

“I would never agree to this,” I snapped. “I don’t need my son around criminals.” I dug in hard; I wanted her looking at me, not Henry because I wanted to feel and for some reason, she seemed to be the key.

“And I don’t need mine around the Evil Queen.” Emma shot back, it was light, but it had me on edge. She couldn’t possibly know.

I was speechless. I didn’t dare speak even when I wanted to, I was afraid my voice would betray me. So, I took Henry by the arm and lead him out of the diner as quickly as I physically could.

……

The next morning, sitting in my office, I had a sudden surge to see Miss Swan. I felt like feeling something other than boredom. I had called Miss Swan and arranged for her to come to my town hall office to ‘discuss Henry.’ She had come promptly which was a surprise, and soon enough, our sparks we flying.

“You drew me here on false pretence. I wanted to talk about Henry, not to be threatened and told to leave town.” She was clearly angry; hands on hips, nostrils flared and voice low. “I finally understand why he calls you the Evil Queen.”

My eyes went wide. “What did you just say to me,” I demanded, now standing from my chair in a blaze of fury.

Miss Swan sighed, her hands dropping from her hips. “Kid thinks the whole town is cursed. At your hand, I might add, _Your Majesty_.”

“Henry is having delusions and you didn’t think to tell me?” It was so easy to put on the worried mother face.

Emma shrugged. “Overactive imagination. Plus, I thought you already knew. Not like he is shy about you being the Evil Queen.” I could see in Miss Swan’s eyes that she thought this was all the imagination of a child, but if for just a second she believed, she would know the entire truth.

I smiled tightly at Miss Swan. “Well, I suppose a single mother that works a lot and doesn’t let her child eat candy for dinner, may seem like the Evil Queen to a ten-year-old.” It was easy to keep a clean mask on, but good lord my insides were screaming. I had wanted Miss Swan to stay in town as my own emotional toy, not to help my son to break the curse.

Miss Swan nodded. “I guess to some kids, it would.”

I waved off Miss Swan’s comment. “I’ll deal with this.”

“No,” She stated firmly from her position in the middle of my office.

“I beg your pardon?” I glared at her, she was challenging my authority and that couldn’t stand.

“I’m staying in this town for Henry. Don’t think I’ll let you just _deal with it_.” She was walking closer to me now.

“I thought you were staying for other reasons.” I cocked a brow at her while slightly pushing out my chest and backside. I smirked at her once I caught her looking. She had even licked her lips; she was so easy to manipulate.

And then she snapped back to reality. “I am staying because Henry isn’t okay, and he needs all the love and support he can get right now.” She seemed too sincere, I wondered what it felt like.

“What Henry needs is his mother. Me. The woman who wiped away every tear, who soothed every fever, who was there to cheer him on for every success and tell him it was alright when he failed.” I may not have been as caring and loving as I should have been but like hell, I was going to let this stranger take away my title as mother.

“I don’t doubt it,” Emma agreed. “But I think, right now, what Henry wants is more than just you.”

“Yes, perhaps professional help. But not the guidance from a criminal who barely finished high school.” I didn’t want to talk about Henry anymore, no, I wanted to fight- and I knew to do that the topic had to change.

She glared at me, her size growing once more. “You know nothing about me,” She growled.

“Oh,” I shook my head at her. “You’d be surprised how easy it was to dig up dirt on you, Miss Swan.” I gave her a look that said ‘I know everything you don’t want me to know.’

“You talk the talk, Madame Mayor, but there is little walk.” It was as if she were challenging me once more.

“You have no idea what I am capable of.” I threatened sweetly.

She nodded, stepping even closer to me. “I don’t care,” She pinned me with a stare, an unusual strength emulating from green eyes. “I don’t care what you threaten me with, you still don’t scare me.”

“Oh, but I should, Miss Swan.” If I were the truly the villain Disney portrayed me to be, I probably would have been cackling by now.

“Is this how you keep your town in order?” She dared to roll her eyes at me. “Petty threats.”

I liked where this was going, but I wanted more, dare she reach out and touch me. “My threats are never petty.” I corrected, a smirk pulling across my lips. “You will get to see me walk my walk.”

“What?” She bought her hands out into the air between us. “Are you going to hit me?” Her hands dropped into balled fists.

“And ruin a perfectly good manicure on you?” I scoffed at her, who did she think she was. I lowered my voice, “I’ve been trained in just about every form of war, and not everything is about physical combat.” I could just about see the hairs on Miss Swan’s arms rise.

“What is that- some weird politician speak for ‘learning to destroy the opponent’?” Her attempt to make a joke showed me just how scared I had made her- how deeply unsettling my words had been.

I shook my head. “No.” I grinned wickedly, “It’s me saying, that although I know _at least_ two dozen ways of killing a human with my bare hands, I would much prefer to destroy someone mentally.” I knew being so overt wasn’t the wisest decision, but I couldn’t help it, I hadn’t had this much opportunity since 1983.

Emma recoiled at my words, her once bold claim of space now diminished to a meek excuse of confidence. “What made you like this?” She seemed so curious and yet so horrified.

I could have told her everything then and there; a part of me had wanted to- I could have told her I was abused as a child, forced into a marriage with a man more than thrice my age, abused sexually, physically and mentally until the day he died and then swept up by the darkness of my own soul. But I knew if I told her I would be pitied, and that isn’t at all what I wanted. “Perhaps you should be asking yourself what made you the way you are; no good, filthy, certified criminal and most of all, alone.” I have always been good at changing the topic.

“You know nothing about me,” She spat- the funny thing is that I did, but back then neither of us knew that.

“You couldn’t be more wrong, Miss Swan.”

“What is IT?” She shouted at me. “What is it that you think you have over me?” She was growling now, so furious- I had hit a nerve.

“Miss Swan, you haven’t been discreet in your life. You’ve left a large paper trail.” I was going to draw this out for as long as I could.

She shook her head at me, her anger turning to annoyance. “And you haven’t?” She cocked a brow, hoping I would slip up.

I shook my head easily. “Miss Swan, you’ve got nothing on me.”

She wanted to say something but forced her mouth closed and nodded tightly. “And I’m inclined to believe the same about you, so stop threatening me so we can focus on our child.”

“Our?” I scoffed, how dare she. “Henry is _my_ son.” I glared at her, I wanted to wipe that smug look off of her face. “And no court will ever grant a criminal, _ex-sex worker_ as a fit parent.” I hadn’t any actual issue with sex work, but for some reason this damn realm did-does, and having it as something to hold over Miss Swan seemed to have its benefits.

Her face was quickly covered with fear. She stumbled and fumbled with words, “How?” She eventually managed. “How did you find out?” If she wasn’t already terrified of me, she sure was now.

“I told you, you left a large paper trail,” I explained simply.

She shook her head, stepping back from me. “No,” She was crumbling into a nervous wreck. “That was sealed,”

“You’d be amazed to see just how far my reach extends, Miss Swan,” I said sweetly. Oh, how I liked this game. How I missed this game.

She had tears in her eyes, and when she spoke a lump in her throat. “You are truly wicked if you think it’s okay to hold that over somebody.” And with that, she left.

……

It was that same night that I ran into Miss Swan once more. Though the situation was much different. I had just finished a late-night coffee with the Sherriff; he thought it meant something, and I simply entertained him because having the Sherriff’s department in my back pocket was useful. I was walking through a side ally on Main Street by the diner and bar, leading to the only parking lot in a mile. 

Miss Swan appeared out of nowhere. It almost startled me. Almost.

“Regina!” She yelled from her position in the shadows.

I stepped closer to her, the smell of whisky strong on her clothes. “Miss Swan, go home. You’re drunk.” I had no care for her or her inebriated state.

“No,” She growled. “You owe me an apology.” Her words slurred.

“I owe you nothing.” Angry drunks are my least favourite type of person to deal with. There is never any reasoning.

“How dare you- how fucking dare you try and hold that over me,” She growled, though this time around it was weak. I could see a small frightened child just below the surface.

“I told you, Miss Swan. This is my specialty.” Back then a small inch of my heart had felt sorry for her, and now after years of taking my walls down brick by brick, I can truly say my heart ached for Emma’s past because I knew it all too well. But back then I barely felt a thing, let alone myself. “Leave town and I leave you alone.”

“You’re fucking sick,” She spat, tears clearly forming in her eyes. “I was-” It was like she was going to share with me, but then she stopped herself and I found myself wanting to know _her_ story- not the court’s.

“You what?” I captured her eyes in the dim light of the ally and for just a moment there was a calmness about the way we interacted. The eye of the storm.

She was so close to telling me, but I suppose if she had then- well, I may not be here today. “You don’t get to know a fucking thing about me,” Her walls back up so quickly.

I nodded slowly. “But I already do.” I wasn’t even trying to dig my nails in that time, just stating a fact.

“You think you’re so fucking high and mighty,” She stalked towards me, right into my personal space and shoved her face mere inches from mine. “But I’ve had enough,” She spoke quietly, as though it were supposed to frighten me.

I smirked and looked her dead in the eye. “Then go back to Boston.”

She rolled her eyes and lulled her head back as she took a deep breath. “Oh, just shut the fuck up!” She snapped as she brought her glare back to me.

“Is that any way to speak to a Queen?” I bared my teeth in a grin because I knew full well, she could snap completely in a matter of minutes.

“You are no Queen, you aren’t deserving of loyalty, love or respect,” her words had so much fire to them, she so desperately wanted to hurt me, but I had heard those words so many times before.

“And neither are you, apparently.” I cocked a brow and gave her a once over.

And that dirty look was what flung Emma off of the edge and into the black void. She punched me in the jaw with a strong and well-practised right hook. I stumbled back into the brick wall that was so kindly behind me. I’m sure that if I had fallen that night Emma’s complete wrath would have been unleashed.

I grinned as I regained my footing, wiping blood from my lip. “Well, it's nice to finally meet _you_ , Emma Swan.” My voice was low but strong.

Taking a moment from tending to her bleeding knuckles she spoke, “The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“You say you are a good influence on my son, you think you should have rights to him, but _you_ … the Emma Swan you just showed me is a violent criminal.” I smiled, because of course Emma hadn’t thought her actions through, and of course back then all I wanted was a scared and helpless woman to toy with. 

She shook her head, her feared settling in. “No, you are worse than me. This is not something you get to gloat about.” She tried to argue, as if it was going to help.

“You have no proof that I’m this wicked witch you make me out to be, I on the other hand,” I gestured to the cut on my lip and what was sure to be a bruise in the morning.

“You truly are evil.” She stalked into my personal space once more, this time grabbing my lapels and shoving me into the wall. I could smell the alcohol on her breath and it touched my cheek- god, I wanted to smack every ounce of air out of her. “Hurt Henry, in any way, shape or form and I _will_ kill you.”

I wanted to laugh, she was more foolish than I presumed if she thought she truly would be able to hurt me. I shoved her backwards, easily, and watched her fall flat on her ass. “I would never hurt Henry, and shame on you for thinking I would.” I was angry, I may not be a saint -back then I sure as hell wasn’t- but I would never hurt Henry, ever.

She picked herself up from the ground charged towards me in a fit of rage. Throwing a fist towards me again, but this time I caught it, holding it in place I locked eyes with her. “Don’t start something you can’t win.” I threatened.

She pulled her fist from my grasp, “I want to watch you bleed,”

My god, her words stirred my soul. Woke a beast sleeping deep within. I felt electric. Her words- she- set fire to my veins. “Then you shall do so with your last breath.”

And so quickly we were fighting. She had me by the throat, against the wall again. Then I had her bleeding on the ground. Over and over, we both came so close to winning. This was a rather equal fight. She was a strong competitor, there were times where she truly hurt me, almost had me pinned, almost won. But when we were both bloodied and breathless, I landed one last punch. She went down hard and fast. After a moment of watching her apparently lifeless body, I checked for a pulse. Still breathing I dragged her to her yellow death trap and shoved her inside. She’d be safe enough to come to on her own.

It was when I was on my way home that I realised some part of me cared, some infuriating part of me that I was never able to completely destroy. I had knocked her unconscious, I could have killed her, or at least just left her to her own devices and yet I dragged her to safety. Who was I becoming?

……

It shouldn’t have been a surprise when she came barging into my office the next day. But, when my office door swung open I was a little startled- unprepared. She stood there in the clothes from the night before, blood covering her face and her once-white shirt.

“Regina,” She growled and she stalked into my office, slamming the door shut behind her.

I rose from my chair calmly. “Miss Swan,” and placed a tight smile onto my features, “Good to see you up and about,” I grinned wickedly as I eyed her up and down. She looked worse than she did last night.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Oh, how her nostrils flared.

I shook my head. “I warned you not to start something you couldn’t win, Miss Swan.”

She moved even closer to me, palms flat on my desk. “Then why not kill me? Don’t start something you won’t finish.” She dared.

I hadn’t been speechless for years. I was completely taken aback; her words caused a shiver through my entire body. And I found myself at a loss. Was she seeking death at my hands? Was she daring me to _try_? And suddenly there was a pull of sadness tugging at my heart. “What exactly is it that you want, Miss Swan?” Because lord I had no clue- and I hated that I could never read her.

“You,”

“I beg your pardon?” I rounded the desk and stepped into her personal space. “I am not yours to have,” I said sternly- holding eye contact for longer than necessary.

“You,” She stammered again. “I want you, feeling the way you make everyone you pass feel; empty, exhausted, dirty, self-loathing.” She paused, pulling herself away from me. “I want you to feel the damage you so easily cause.”

I watched her for a moment, not angrily but instead, curiously. She looked completely different- defeated. And for some reason, I wasn’t taking pride in success, in winning. I smiled tightly at her as I bit the inside of my cheek; schooling my features wasn’t easy this time. “What makes you think I don’t feel the damage I cause?” I asked seriously. “What makes you think I don’t feel empty- completely hollowed out and broken,” She seemed surprised to hear me say such things, it was as if she truly assumed, I thought what I was doing was okay- _normal_.

“Why?” She whispered, almost like she didn’t want an answer.

I looked dead into her eyes, and felt something that wasn’t anger, something that wasn’t seeded from hate- and even to this day I couldn’t tell you what that feeling was, but my lord did it make me _feel_. I didn’t want to yell or fight, I didn’t want anything but for her to stop looking at me with such a stare. “Being self-aware and being able to overcome your issues are two completely different things,” I answered softly, hoping to dear god that would answer enough of her question- hoping to dear god that she would leave and let me shatter into a million pieces in the quiet safety of an empty office.

Eventually, she nodded, I think she was starting to understand- this wasn’t about Henry. She left my office that day without another word.

I spent the rest of that day suck in thoughts, thoughts I couldn’t rid myself of. Emma Swan had completely thrown me, and I hadn’t a clue what to do. My veins still afire, but no longer with rage and fury, but rather with every emotion, I had been avoiding for half a century. Emma Swan had undoubtedly kick-started this town, the saviour for sure- but just how deep down her salvation ran was unbeknownst to everyone but me. Emma Swan had kickstarted my heart, the one I had kept in the deepest darkest vault, Emma Swan had saved the Evil Queen.

I cried myself to sleep that night. Not for her, but for myself, for every ounce of pain that I had neglected and shoved beneath the surface.

......

I didn’t see Miss Swan for almost a week after that fight. I know Henry had seen her a few times, and to my surprise, she hadn’t mentioned our physical altercation to him. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to see her again, perhaps Henry would grow to hate her the way he hated me, or maybe she would be bored and move on- which seemed possible knowing her nomadic background. But Miss Swan hadn’t left.

I hadn’t been home for more than an hour when I heard a loud incessant banging on my front door. I pulled myself from my study and swiftly opened the door only to find Miss Swan standing there, about to knock for the umpteenth time.

“Miss Swan,” I greeted through gritted teeth. “Henry is at a sleepover.” I growled, because like hell _I_ wanted her there.

“We need to talk,” She seemed confident, sure of herself, much like the woman I remember sitting in my study, showing me her true colours.

“I suppose we do,” I nodded, opening the door to allow her inside. I hadn’t the energy to fight.

She didn’t wait for me, no, instead, Emma walked straight for my study. So confident, so bold.

She was seated by the time I reached my study, clearly waiting for me. “This,” she gestured between us, “Whatever this is, it can’t happen anymore.”

“Are you just telling me something I already know, or do you have a solution?” I asked gently as I sat on the couch opposite her. Mimicking the first night we meet.

“I’m leaving town, I’m here to say you won and I hope that you will allow me to at least stay in contact with Henry,” Her voice was so cool and even, and for some reason that annoyed me.

I nodded slowly, not sure what to say. I didn’t want her leaving town, no, not when she was making me feel so much. But, who was I to stop her? “If that is what you want, Miss Swan.” I sighed. Henry. “I hate to admit it, but Henry will be upset you didn’t say goodbye.”

“I told him yesterday that I was leaving, I said it was due to work and that if you permitted it, I would keep in contact.” She explained, and swiftly my concern for Henry was washed away- my curiosity at Emma’s maturity however, was peaked. “No fighting?” Emma looked curiously at me after I failed to respond, her bold calm of space came back. “No arguing this? Not even an ‘I don’t want you contacting _my_ son’?” She seemed confused and curious, and almost concerned.

I shook my head, I didn’t have it in me. This woman had awoken so much of my soul, and I hadn’t the mental energy to fight at that moment. “Henry would never forgive me if I didn’t allow some form of contact between the two of you,” I explained, and though for once I wasn’t lying, I wasn’t telling the full truth either.

She nodded slowly, still watching me. “And no ‘thank God you’re leaving my town’?” She questioned curiously.

“No,” I answered simply. “I don’t think I have much fight in me right now,” I admitted softly. It wasn’t normal for me to be so honest, and the part of me that wasn’t terrified was completely exhilarated. So long forgotten that it felt brand new.

Her eyes changed, she looked sad, almost. Perhaps it was pity. “You don’t look like the type to lose the fire within,” It wasn’t a dig, nor a rude remark, simply a fact stated.

I agreed with a nod. “Believe me,” I smiled hopelessly, “this has never happened before.” I attempted to make a joke, hoping to deflect from how pathetic I looked.

She nodded, “Oh,” She smiled. “I believe it.” I didn’t respond, I couldn’t fight her, but I didn’t want to flirt with her either. It seemed too tiring. “You seem like a completely different person,” She noted.

She wasn’t wrong, I even felt different. After endless nights of unstoppable tears and never-ending thoughts, I suppose most people would be a little different- if not an entirely new person. Emma Swan made me feel angry, she made me want to win and dominate, and yet, at the same time she made me feel weak; Emma Swan made me feel too much, I could barely comprehend it- far too overwhelmed to fight her. “I realised that I’ve been ignoring myself for far too long,” I started slowly, not entirely sure what I should be saying- or if I should be saying anything at all. “And what I realise now is that I am tired,”

Emma stared silently at me for far too long, “I think I understand,” She nodded. “I woke up one morning, many years ago, feeling just that.”

I looked at her curiously and wondered. “Was it a long time coming, or an over-night type deal?”

She took a deep breath, clearly in thought for a moment. “Long time coming I think. It had just come to a head one night, and the next morning I woke up realizing just how off course my life had gotten.”

I nodded, wondering if I already knew the ending to this story. “And,” I choked on my words, was I really just about to ask for help? “How did you change things? How did you-”

She cut me off. “If you want me to keep talking, I’m going to need the stiffest drink you have.”

I nodded and stood from my position. Two glasses with ice, then came the whiskey. As I handed a glass to Emma she caught my eye, and I found myself staring back, our fingers meeting as we both held the glass.

“Sit,” Emma offered softly. Breaking all forms of contact as she gestured to the space next to her.

I couldn’t even respond, instead, I found myself following instruction. It was odd, being compliant, I hadn’t ever really followed, I was a ruler and yet with Emma I- I can’t even explain it now.

“That morning I may have realised just how off-track my life was, but the change didn’t come for a while after.” Emma explained without me even prompting her.

I wanted to ask her so many questions, I wanted to tell her so many things and yet I couldn’t get myself to speak. So, instead, I just hoped she would keep talking.

She looked at me, clutching her glass tightly. “You know some of the story,” She offered softly, then scoffed. “You know _their_ story.”

“Their?” I questioned.

“The story the courts believed.” She was so sad and so angry. “ _His_ story. Jack Brewster.” She spat the name.

It was a name I had come across. It was a court report I had read countless times. However, Emma’s story was one I hadn’t heard and I found myself interested in it above all else.

“He-” She choked up a little. “It isn’t true. What you read.” She finished her drink quickly.

I didn’t really know what to say, and at that point, I didn’t think I could ask any questions about her story. “Another?” I picked her up glass, already on my feet before she could answer.

She began talking again once I came back with a filled glass. “I-” She was shaking.

“You don’t have to say anything,” My words were soft and gentle, and so unlike my normal voice. But, by this point, I knew enough to know that we were more alike- an in a way no two people should ever have to be.

Emma attempted to smile but failed as a sad look pulled across her face. “Something tells me that you need to hear this.”

I sat there for what felt like forever waiting. I wanted, no needed, Emma to tell me her story. I was so curious, I felt for Emma, I felt a connection to her- frivolous as it was back then.

“I wasn’t a sex worker for long.” She blurted, quickly, as if to rip off the bandaid. “Less than a year. I left my last foster home a few months after turning 17. I needed money, and a friend suggested I start working at the brothel she was working at.” Emma took a deep long breath and finished her whiskey.

I stood silently and fetched her the entire bottle. Knowing this story was far from over, and knowing Emma would only need more liquid courage as she continued to tell me the depths of her past. Emma easily accepted her bottle, now drinking straight from it- glassware and manners be damned.

“After six months of work, I found an out. I got a job at a café. Sure, it was a significant pay cut, but it was a much-needed change of pace.” Emma sighed. “Most people couldn’t have cared less that I left. But I had one persistent ex-client. He had managed to track me down, started stalking me, he kept propositioning me for sex, every time I would say no. One night, he was higher than usual, a dirty mix is my best guess. But that night he wouldn’t take no for an answer. And, so, he raped me in the parking lot of that fucking café.” Emma had powered through it, spoken far quicker than normal. And, now, she was just about out of breath. Whiskey was poured into her mouth as she slammed her eyes shut in hopes to make all her tears disappear.

I looked at Emma and truly saw her for the first time. This was Emma, and I found that I could see so much of myself in her. It scared me, the similarities we shared; so bold and fierce and yet so broken. Our pasts were hauntingly similar as well, shared trauma and rage and feelings of neglect.

“Emma,” My voice was barely above a whisper. “I’m so sorry.” The sincerity of my words was no shock to me, but it had been to Emma.

She looked at me curiously, trying to figure me out. “I believe you,” She settled on- unable to find fault in my tone, or words.

“I was raped on my wedding night. And many nights after that.” I admitted. I had hated myself for saying such things, admitting a truth I had never spoken out loud before. But, now, looking back I know that admission had been a turning point. I wouldn’t be _here_ if it wouldn’t for that night of honesty.

Emma looked shocked, horrified and yet, completely understanding. “I didn’t know you were married.” Was all she could manage.

“Many years ago, he passed not long after we married. Far before Henry came along.” I explained sharply and Emma seemed to understand that I wasn’t going to be sharing any more.

So, she simply nodded, gave me a look of sympathy and understanding- then continued her own story, tears now freely falling from her eyes.

“I tried to take him to court.” Emma shook her head. “Worst idea of my life. He turned it around on me, told them I was a sex worker- he had the fucking proof too. Told them it was a rape fantasy that was consensual and paid for. Convinced them all I was just trying to get money out of him because I knew he was a high earning banker.” Emma let out a hollow laugh. “He got away with raping a fucking minor! What kind of a fucked-up country do we live in?” Emma wiped at her tears and took another swig of the whiskey. “His life was untarnished. I, on the other hand, lost my job, lost my savings to legal bills and the fine I was issued for sex work.” Emma sighed. “I was ever supposed to have to tell anyone that story. It was supposed to be a sealed case.” Emma shrugged, her entire body just collapsing further into the couch- deeper into the darkness. “But I guess not.”

I watched her, sadly, I knew her pain. I had lived her pain, and yet I had so many questions, there was so much more I wanted to know.

“Was it after the court case that you could see how off-track your life had gotten?” I asked seriously. Curious to know how Emma had taken control of her life after such a traumatic life experience. For I still hadn’t found my way out of the darkness.

Emma shook her head grimly. “I was so broken after that entire experience, back on the street no money at all, so when I met a handsome man that promised me the world, I believed him. He was mainly into petty theft, and I was along for the free food. But one night he asked me to help pull off something that was much higher stakes. I was 18 then, so when we got caught, I landed myself in jail.” Emma paused a looked at me, “which I’m sure you know all about,” It was almost as if she were attempting to make a joke. “The morning in question, the one that made me realised how far I was from the person I wanted to be was the morning after I gave birth to Henry.”

Emma looked to me again, and I returned a look that told her she need not explain anymore. I understood completely. I did want to ask questions, probe her, figure out she became the person in front of me. I found myself wondering if someone like me would be able to change their life. I wanted change so much, I wanted to feel so much, and yet my fear and anger held me back- it had for decades, my whole life even. And, even after that night, I took so long for the change to become visible to the outside world. But, _I_ know, I know it started on that very night, and millimetre by millimetre I changed and I grew and I became the person I am now; someone who is loved and respected and alive.

“In all honesty its nice to see someone that has experienced trauma and an insurmountable amount of pain actually be a decent human.” I shuddered, feeling the next few words on the tip of my tongue before I said them. “I am in awe of your bravery. And I am sorry this world hasn’t been kind to you.” I hadn’t meant to be so sappy, so honest even, but I was feeling so much that night it was hard to keep my mask in place.

I know now it was the liquor and nothing but the liquor, but back then I had hoped- hoped for what I’m not sure. Emma was drunk and sad- and fucking angry, and so when she leant in to kiss me it shouldn’t have been all that much of a surprise but it was. She kissed me furiously, with a passion I had long forgotten. And while I may have been startled, I was certainly enjoying myself.

I even allowed Emma to start grabbing at me, first my arm, then my waist, then her hand was pulling roughly at my hair. “Fuck,” She grumbled as I began to rake my nails along her back. “Make me feel something.” She begged. 


	2. Part 2

“Make me feel something.”

Those were words, feelings I knew so very well, and who was I to turn away someone so desperate. Besides, I wasn’t opposed to being beaten and bruised myself- in fact, I was quite excited at the newfound prospects of the evening.

“Up,” I commanded, though I didn’t give Emma much of a choice. No, instead I was pulling her up by the collar of her shirt. Though she didn’t seem to mind.

We were quick to move things upstairs, as if it were an unspoken rule, we didn’t touch each other until we were in my bedroom. This was Henry’s house too, and as if not a sick way of respecting that then for the sake of privacy, for forgotten strewn clothes were the enemy of many.

Emma slammed my bedroom door shut and if it wasn’t for better judgement, I would have thought she was eager, almost as if this was something she had been thinking about- wanting.

“Take it all off,” I commanded, gesturing to Emma’s entire outfit.

And Emma complied. There was nothing slow or sensual about the way Emma took her clothes off, nothing meaningful, no instead they were ripped from her body in a flurry. Eager to have nothing between us. And when she was naked, nothing covering pale bruise-able skin she began her stalk towards me.

“No,” I stretched out my index finger and pressed it into Emma’s chest- Hard. “I want you up against the wall.” And so, I began to move towards her, each step I took forward, she took back.

It was when her body hit the wall- just next to the door, at the space between us became less and less. Her back was completely flat against my pristine white wall. I was against her now, not completely, but enough to feel the heaving of her chest as she took each breath.

“Regina,” Emma’s tone was soft, she was almost begging. Almost. But, instead, I think she had intended to quicken the pace.

“You don’t get to call me that, not tonight.”

Emma’s eyes squinted in curiosity for a moment, and then again- for the first time in what felt like too long- she began to take up more space. Somehow, her body grow, her mental strength did as well. “Would you prefer, My Majesty?” It was quick, harsh and intended to cause me nothing but shame and hurt.

Oh, but what she didn’t know. I could feel every fibre of my being come alive. I was on fire. I had forgotten the pleasure of hearing that damned fucking title, in that tone. It was a pleasure I had forgotten. There was no denying the storm that was brewing, electric crackling as our skin touched, the inferno this night was sure to ignite. This was an animalistic need, one which would be fed until I was truly satisfied.

There was a part of me that knew I would have played a wounded mother, that I should have said no. That part of me told me I should have hidden what I could for the sake of the curse. But then, there was the long-neglected Queen in me who wanted every ounce of control she could have. And so, I nodded- once. “And I’m going to make you scream it.”

I saw Emma gulp- fear and excitement mixed into one- right before I kissed her. The kiss didn’t last long, but it was hot and dirty… Just the way I wanted it.

As my lips started to roam Emma’s body so did my hands. There were no soft gentle caresses, no tentative touches that asked permission. No, right away it was rough, and Emma seemed to understand that- the way her nails dug into my neck and shoulders. She wanted to feel just as much as I did.

My hands trailed over the tops of Emma’s thighs; my nails left red marks in their wake. Then I was grabbing Emma’s hips and crashing them into mine. Emma grunted as her hips crashed back against the wall, mine atop of them. And then, there was a hand around my neck, daring to squeeze.

“Get your clothes off. Now,” Her words were so demanding, forceful. “Or, I will tear them off myself.”

I took half a step back from Emma, her hand still around my neck. “You get one wish tonight.” I waggled my finger for extra effect. “You sure that’s how you want to spend it?”

Her reply was almost immediate. “Yes.” She peeled herself from the wall and closed the gap between us. “Take them off.”

And I did. I wouldn’t say I took them off slowly, but it sure as hell was with purpose. There was something about the way Emma’s mouth hung open ever so slightly, or the small gasps when I took items of clothing off- though I can’t imagine Emma would ever admit to those. Once I was fully naked, I wasted no time in pressing Emma back up against the wall. I used the second Emma took to recalibrate to force both of her hands above her head, and I held them there easily with my left hand and my right trailed lower- searching.

After a small descent, I found what I was after- Emma’s tight and perky nipple. Between my thumb and forefinger, I twisted it. The noise Emma made was somewhere between a gasp and a moan, and so I did it again. And again, then my hand was moving across to her left nipple.

I took a moment to capture Emma’s eyes. “Stay.” I ordered. My left hand leaving her wrists.

Then, both of my hands were on her tights. My mouth moving south to take up residence on Emma’s nipples. And as my nails raked over Emma’s thighs and hips, my teeth did the same elsewhere. Emma’s soft supple flesh was soon to be nothing but red marks and bruises.

I gave no warning, my right hand easily slipped between Emma’s tights, two fingers quickly made their way between Emma’s wet folds. And, as Emma gasped, adjusting to the new sensation I removed my hand just as quickly. Emma moaned and shot me a disapproving glare. She should have known that kind of attitude wouldn’t get her far. My hand came back, slapping Emma’s pussy hard. Sending shockwaves through to her core. She moaned again, but there was something hungrier about that one. Something I wanted more of. I slapped the same spot again, harder- her moans only got louder, hungrier.

On the fifth or sixth slap, instead of removing my hand, I plunged two fingers into Emma. It was so easy; she was so ready and wet. She’d been waiting.

Her yelp of shock had quickly turned into a string of pleasured moans. And so, for a moment I continued my motions, giving Emma exactly what she wanted. Emma’s eyes had fallen closed at some point while I was slapping her, but as I brought my left hand to her throat her eyes shot open once more.

My grip was light to start with, but after Emma uttered a simple. “Fuck, yes.” It tightened exponentially. Surely leave a bruise, even if it was just a thumb print.

There was something to be said about that moment, about Emma’s willingness to have absolutely no control. Perhaps not sexual, but I know Emma _now_. And believe me when I say she doesn’t have a submissive bone in her body. The knowledge I have now only makes that memory sweeter. She wanted me, the dominating, the controlling, the all mighty and powerful Queen. Even if it was only for a night.

Before Emma could even begin to get close to an orgasm, I removed my right hand. My left hand gripped a little harder- hard enough that Emma knew to follow when I began to move my arm. Soon enough I was pushing her against my bed, then onto my bed. Then I was disappearing into my walk-in-closet. Only to return seconds later with a vintage travel case in hand. I put it on the bench at the foot of my bed and opened it up to Emma- who had made herself comfortable on my arrangement of pillows.

Her eyes widened a little as she saw its contents. “A sex toy collection.” At first, her tone seemed a little disbelieving, but then there was a look on her face that said it-all-makes-sense.

I glared a little, raising my brows. “Don’t underestimate me, Miss Swan.”

She shook her head as if to signal she didn’t- wouldn’t. “Use it well and I’ll make a note not too.”

It was a challenge and we both knew it.

I reach into the case for two things. First, a WeVibe, second a bondage restraint harness accompanied by a set of handcuffs.

It was almost pathetic how easy it was to get Emma to follow an order, on her knees- kneeling before her Queen.

First were the cuffs. I put them on tighter than I normally would, but I received no complaints, so I moved on. The second was the collar and leash. And, finally, the harness connecting the two. It was simple enough, a metal rod down Emma’s spine connected the collar and the cuffs- Emma’s couldn’t move her hands from the small of her back. There were two straps to keep it in place, one around Emma’s hips and the other around her ribs, sitting just under her breasts. Emma looked a delight, tied up and helpless.

“Turn around.” I ordered, and so Emma shifted on her knees to face the headboard.

“Down.” But, with that order, Emma took to long to comply. So, with a firm push between her shoulder blades, I pushed Emma onto her stomach. She groaned, a mix of discomfort and pleasure I’m sure.

And before I could even tell her so, Emma was pushing her ass up towards me. Her knees bending a little under her body to support her weight.

“Good girl,” I purred before slapping her ass.

The moan that erupted from Emma’s throat made me want to slap her again, but I had other things to do. So, I pushed forward. I picked up the small WeVibe, and turned it on. The small V-shaped toy vibrated in my palm for a moment while I found the right setting- constant powerful vibration.

Then, I was putting it inside of Emma.

“Oh my God, Reg-” She had the sense to stop herself. “My Majesty.” She moaned. The toy fully inserted. There was an inch and a half inside of Emma, the rest outside, sitting between Emma’s labia majora and atop her clitoris. “It feels so good.” Her words fell from her mouth with moans shortly following.

I nodded, knowing full well the pleasure Emma was experiencing. But I moved on. I placed both my hands on her hips as I positioned myself between her legs, my naked hips coming to meet her bare ass. I thrust against her a few times, only to get her to begin rocking against me. She was so desperate and easy to manipulate.

My hands trailed to her thighs, I stroked her soft skin for a moment, only to end my motions with a slap. It was hard enough to unsteady Emma, I waited for her to regain her balance, and then I slapped again- harder. Her moan filled the room, but this time she barely moved.

She was still rocking against me, begging to be touched. I moved my left hand to her hip- pulling her, pushing her, I guided her rocking. She hummed in approval when I turned up the power of the WeVibe, but that only made her rocking more desperate. Then I was cupping her pussy with my right hand, I slapped once- to be met with the enjoyable sound of wetness. Emma ground down on my hand, the toy firm against my palm and surely deep within Emma with the force she was using to push onto my hand.

I could feel the toy moving between my hand and Emma’s wet pussy. I could feel her grinding become more erratic. I knew what she wanted; I knew what she needed. But it was always a game with her, and it was time she learnt to submit because there was no way she was winning this round.

“Please,” It was a whisper wrapped up in a moan.

“Please what?” I demanded, slapping her somewhere between her hip and thigh.

“My Majesty, please.” I couldn’t see her face, but I was sure the look in her eyes was nothing but hungry desperation.

“Don’t,” I slapped again- harder. “Make me ask again,” and with each word, came another slap- harder and harder.

“Fuck me,” Emma groaned out, forcibly pushing her ass into my hips. “Please.”

That was where I wanted her, I wanted to see Emma Swan beg. I’m sure begging doesn’t come naturally to Emma, and so, that was enough for me to play nice- for the time being.

I slipped two fingers from my right hand inside of Emma. I was met with silicone on one side and wet tightening walls on the other.

“Fuck!” Emma took my fingers easily and bounced on them as if her life depended on it. And it was a sight to see. Red ass slapping against me and she rode my fingers, her face buried in the mattress and her hands in tight fists and she shrugged against her restrained. She wanted more, and at that point I couldn’t find a reason not to give it to her.

I inserted a third finger. Much to Emma’s pleasure. I let her ride them for a while as I continued slapping and clawing at her ass. It was when her walls tightened even more that I knew she was close. So, with my free hand, I grabbed the leash attached to Emma’s collar. I pulled, hard. Which, in turn, pulled Emma’s torso off of the mattress. Just her knees and my surprising strength to keep her up.

She was moaning more, louder, letting out curse words between each raggedy breath. I knew the tension from pulling the leash was causing the collar to tighten on Emma’s throat- restricting her breathing. But she clearly loved it.

Emma was slamming back against me, riding my fingers with all strength she had. And, soon enough, she was panting two simple words. “I’m cumming, I’m cumming, I’m cumming.” Over and over, until all she could manage was one last moan before her body tightened, and froze. It was then that I let go of her leash, no warning, just dropping her onto the mattress. Her body went limp after that, sinking into the mattress.

I was still for a long moment, just watching her. Wondering how someone’s chest could be so still. Then there was a thought, _untie her, don’t wait for her to ask._ And I did, some kind, gentle side of me took control. I undid her cuffs, and quickly she moved her arms up by her head. Then came the straps around her hips and ribs, red marks in their place. And, finally, the collar from around her neck.

I tossed the restraint set onto the floor. After that Emma turned onto her side and looked at me, still between her legs. She blinked her few times, words slowly forming in her mouth. “Never did I think that you were capable of _that_ ,” and somehow, I knew it was a compliment.

Then she swung her left leg across me, now on her back, she lay just to my right.

Her tone firm, Emma said, “Sit,” patting her own thighs as she spoke.

I was foolish to comply so easily, but I did. Within one swift moment, I was straddling Emma’s waist.

“Good,” Emma almost- _almost_ \- cooed. She looked pleased with herself, and it only agitated me. 

I was apprehensive. I could see the look in Emma’s eyes, the one that said she wanted to take control. I knew that with every inch I gave, she would take a mile. But what I also knew was how much I wanted- not her- but to be hurt for the sake of pleasure. My body and mind fought each other; was I to completely lose myself and let Emma take control, or was I to control everything- even the way she touched me.

I dug my nails into Emma’s chest. I wanted to draw blood, but Emma’s hands over mine stopped me. She glared at me curiously for a moment before speaking. “Off,” It was simple enough, and soon she was pushing me down onto the mattress, and she was up, feet on the floor and making her way over to my case of sex toys.

She took her time to look through my vast collection. And then there was a look on her face, she had made a decision. Slowly, into my sightline she filled a purple dildo, harness already attached. She didn’t ask permission, didn’t ask my opinion, instead she made haste pulling the harness up her legs and to her waist where she tightened it.

I didn’t have an issue with being fucked with a strap-on, no, but it infuriated me that Emma was cocky enough to control the narrative.

Emma climbed back onto the bed, and easily settled between my legs. She watched me silently, taking in me- my body, my legs, my hips, my chest, my neck and finally she locked eyes with me. “Turns out, the most beautiful you’ve ever been is when you’re silent and naked beneath me.”

I glared at her and rolled my eyes. “And you were sexy, until just then.” I spat back, how dare she insult me.

“You think I’m sexy,” Emma winked, it wasn’t really a question. And quickly she was off of the bed once again, she only came back once she found her singlet. Again, she was between my legs. “And I like it when you’re quiet.” She held up her singlet, shifting closer to me she put her hand into my hair and pulled, I was forced to lift my head and soon enough, Emma’s singlet was in my mouth, acting as a gag.

I didn’t fight it, knowing that this wasn’t something I needed control over, no. I would take my power elsewhere.

Emma settled back between my legs, and before I had enough time to really adjust, she was inside of me. Two fingers and knuckle deep. “I guess I won't need lube,” She commented, her fingers roughly pushing into me. It felt good, and part of me liked being degraded, so I said nothing about the attitude in her tone. Instead, I found Emma’s rhythm and began to rock my hips against her fingers.

But, as quickly as her fingers came, they left. I was about to protest- reprimand Emma for teasing me, but before I could get a word out, she was shoving herself into me. The full length of the dildo slid inside of me so easily and I couldn’t help but moan. It was a long time since I had felt something so big inside of me, I could feel all of it- stretching me with each thrust Emma made.

Emma leant down and into my personal space- that was her first mistake. Then she was kissing my neck, my jaw but never daring to kiss my lips. She moved one her hands up from my hips and held my throat. That was her second mistake- instability. From there it was easy to flip us. And, just like that, I was on top.

Blinking, Emma realised she didn’t have all the power. She never would, not even now.

I smiled down at her, that wicked evil smile that brought fear into the hearts of many. Emma only stared back with a look of annoyance- fear never to be found. She reached upwards and grabbed my hair, sharply she pulled me down- our lips mere inches apart, eyes locked.

“At least turn around.” She growled. “If you didn’t have to look at me, there’s no way in hell I’m looking at you.” It was somewhere between an order and a threat, but I couldn’t help but agree- and it wasn’t like I wanted to be looking at her anyway.

So, I lifted myself up. I groaned at the loss of contract, sliding off of Emma as I moved positions. My whole body arched to be filled once more. So, I was quick to straddle Emma once more- this time facing away from her. Then, I was settling myself back onto Emma’s big hard strap. I moaned as I got to the base- thankful it was filling me again.

Then, Emma, with no warning began to thrust into me- hard and fast. I let out a string of moans and groans. It took me a second to rebalance myself, but once I did, I was riding Emma, matching her rhythm and roughness.

She put a hand on my hip, guiding my thrusting, but also controlling me, making sure I stuck to her rhythm. Then there was a hand pulling my hair, nails digging into my scalp. Emma was good- but I wanted harder- rougher.

“Harder!” I demanded.

Thankfully Emma didn’t argue my order.

She pulled her hair tighter and pulled me back a little. Lifting her own torso, she met me half-way. Her mouth in my ear, “You’ll get the hurt you deserve.”

With that she let my hair go, one hand scratching along my tight and the other repeatedly slapping my ass with each bounce I made on her strap.

“Do you want me to make you bleed?” Her tone low and sultry.

I moaned in response, but I should have said yes. Because that annoying goodie goodie part of Emma that didn’t receive official consent stopped her from drawing blood. I should have said yes.

Instead of making me bleed, Emma bruised me. The marks she left on my thighs lasted weeks after that night. And good lord did it feel good.

Emma managed to keep thrusting harder and faster, despite the assault on my thighs and ass, and soon enough I could feel an orgasm building. I think Emma could tell, one hand continued its assault, but the other came to my side- just under my ribs- strong and steady she held my shaking body up. I was riding Emma as hard as I could, my moaning loud but shaky and finally when my orgasm hit, I let out a loud. “Fuck!”

That orgasm tore through me, hard and anything but fast. It was electric, ecstasy. Emma’s thrust had slowed down immensely after I yelled, but still- for a while- I was content rocking my hips against Emma as the final waves of my orgasm washed over me.

And finally, I took a deep breath and lifted myself off of Emma. We both groaned that time, at the loss of contact. And then, I was lying next to her. The both of us staring up at the ceiling. We lay there, wordlessly, for so long. Either too scared to break the silence or content with the nothingness. I’m not sure.

I remember Emma leaving, it was well past midnight, my bedroom only lit by the moon cracking through the curtains. She walked quickly through my room and pulling her clothes on as she did so. I watched her from my now seated position in my large bed, I watched her jump back into her skin-tight jeans, watched her reach for her shirt, and as she began to fix the buttons, she turned back to me- looking me dead in the eye.

And finally, Emma spoke to me properly for the first time since we were in my study. “I’m leaving town. Now. So, this never happened. We don’t ever need to bring it up. We don’t ever need to talk again unless it’s about Henry.” Her words we so sharp and forceful. I couldn’t help but feel rejected. It's not that I had wanted a relationship- of any kind. But I knew by the way Emma was speaking, that not only did she not want a relationship (sexual-ship, shall we call it) but she had regretted the night’s events. That was the part that burnt me, never had a sexual partner regretted my _company_ , I may have been the Evil fucking Queen, but the sex I had was always consensual and pleasurable for everyone involved… I took offence in the idea that Emma hadn’t. 

I lay awake for the rest of the night. I felt addicted- already. How foolish I was. I didn’t want her, per se, but I wanted the feelings that came with her. I knew that the night's events were the feeding of an addiction. But I couldn’t be sorry. Couldn’t regret it. I felt alive. I hated it, but it was true, and I was furious that the one thing to make feel that way in half a century was _her_ , and she had rejected me. In every way, shape and form.

I couldn’t shake the lyrics that swirled through my mind.

_With her sweetened breath, and her tongue so mean  
She's the angel of small death and the codeine scene  
Feeling more human and hooked on her flesh I  
Lay my heart down with the rest at her feet  
Fresh from the fields, all fetor and fertile  
Bloody and raw, but I swear it is sweet  
And lease this confusion, I'll wander the concrete  
Wonder if better now having survived  
Jarring of judgement and reasons defeat  
The sweet heat of her breath in my mouth I'm alive  
With her sweetened breath, and her tongue so mean  
She's the angel of small death and the codeine scene_

I spent hours awake, quelling and squashing any lick of feeling, any smell or taste for hope. Not for her, but for myself. If she could so easily turn herself off, then I’d match it- go further if I must. If she’d close the door, I’d deadbolt it and threaten to burn the place down. Emma Swan wouldn’t win against me, even with this setback. It took me a while to realise Emma had been playing _my_ game all along, my she was good at misdirection, but after that night I knew- we were playing the same game, playing with the same fire, and we both desperately wanted to win.

I forced myself up just after 11am. A headache and no sleep, I was not prepared for Henry to come barging back into my house, cries and anger the only things to follow.

Henry was upset the day after Emma had left. He blamed me of course, and I could do nothing but let him yell at me. It was just past 4pm when I had had enough. I told him I would buy him a burger and shake for dinner if he stopped his whining. He agreed. And even if it was just for the evening, I would take it, my head had been throbbing since noon- I needed quiet.

The diner had been quiet for a Saturday afternoon, so as we stepped inside it only took me a matter of seconds to recognise the mane of blonde hair in the back booth. Emma. I glared into the back of her head, so many questions swirled through my mind, and then Henry had noticed her.

“Emma!” Henry let go of my hand and ran towards her.

She turned in the booth and easily slipped out just in time for Henry to run into her. The hug lasted long enough for me to make my way over to the two of them.

“You didn’t leave!” Henry sounded so happy, and I couldn’t help but let out a sigh.

“You said you were leaving.” It wasn’t a question.

Emma nodded as she pulled from her embrace with my son. “Decided not to.”

I hadn’t gotten more of an answer from Emma that night, or any other time for that matter. I never truly knew why she stayed, no matter how many times I asked. Henry thought it was for him, I knew better- but not by much. All these years, 6 to be exact, I’ve never figured it out. I stopped asking long before Emma and I actually became friends. But perhaps if I asked now, she would tell me. Perhaps I _should_ ask.

A part of me, in my moments of desperation, had thought Emma stayed for me. I had hoped Emma wanted me- but it was clear, that night had been a mistake for Emma. For a long time, I tried to convince myself that it was for a mistake for me as well. But I know now that that whole night was a blessing, and possibly one of the best things to ever happen to me. It wasn’t the sex- though it was fantastic- no, it was Emma opening me up, telling me to break free. I did Em, I did.

When the curse broke, I had feared for my life, and then there was Emma- my saviour. She saved my life, and again many times after that. Emma always stood by me, without fail, she believed in me- and I think that its because she has always seen me. Despite everything, even knowing full well I was Evil Queen Emma was always there, and I think that’s because she sees so much of herself in me- much like I see myself in her. And I thank the stars every day for that.

I had always been drawn to Emma, wanted more from her- and I’d take whatever I could get. I could see so much potential. A part of me, the Evil Queen, I suppose, would always say how Emma ruined me. Drove me to be a better person, filled me with passion, love, desire- with life. And, eventually, I realised the extent of my feelings for Emma. By then it was far too late, curse broken, death, destruction, realms travelled, loved grained, loved lost, redemption arch and unfortunately, Killian Jones.

I had never expected it to last, always thought Emma would realise she was too good for him. And honestly, I had always wanted to watch Emma break that pirate’s dirty heart- but she never did. No, instead I watched them marry each other, only a matter of hours ago. And in all my lives, in all the realms, and through all the curses I have lived, I have never been so heartbroken.

I fell in love with two small words. _I’m in_. Sure, at the time I had been in love with Robin- there is no doubt or question about that. But Emma’s commitment to my happiness- me- well, that was the point of no return. I knew to pursue it was pointless, I knew acknowledging my feelings for Emma wouldn’t do me any favours. So, I choose to ignore them, push them down until I could barely feel them, take my chances with a man that loved me back. I feel as though I should regret that choice, but I can’t bring myself to. I learnt too much from him- the whole experience.

And now, I am feeling the most emotions I have felt in quite possibly my entire life. I watched her get married- to a man that doesn’t see her potential, to a man that treats her like she is replaceable and insignificant. I had so many opportunities to tell her how I truly felt, I had every chance in the world and I blew it. So, as her friend- her family even- I helplessly watched her vow her life, her soul, to someone else. When I heard her say _I do_ , I could feel my heart getting ripped out and shattered into a million piece. The universe is cruel that way; irony and karma go hand in hand.

……

Regina dropped her pen and pinched the bridge of her nose, just begging herself not to cry. But, she had no tears left, not for Emma, not for myself, nothing. Regina had been crying all night, writing her feelings- her experience- down in her journal, for if she couldn’t tell a soul she would at least tell the leather-bound pages that knew all of her deepest thoughts.

Regina sighed as she looked up to the clock. 2:07 AM. She had been there for far too long, an empty bottle of wine and broken heart made for a distracted mind.

Pushing away her journal Regina rose from her position behind her desk. Perhaps a good night sleep was what she needed. And with that thought Regina began to make her way from her study out into the hall, towards the foyer and right before her foot hit the first step of many to the second floor- to her bedroom, Regina’s movements were interrupted by a light knock at the front door.

Regina groaned. A knock at this hour _never_ meant anything good. Though she considered that fact that it may be Henry, deciding that spending the night with his grandparents wasn’t fun anymore.

“Emma?” it was safe to say Regina was more than surprised. “What on ear-”

Emma cut her off by stepping into the Mills manner, uninvited but always welcome. Regina curiously turned, watching Emma walk into the foyer. Closing the door Regina leant her back against the white wood. Emma was looking off into the dining room, not yet willing to face Regina. There was so much about this that made Regina anxious, and the only question she could ask was “Why?”

And slowly, Emma turned to face her, tear-stained cheeks and the look of regret in her eyes- a look Regina unfortunately knew.

“Why what?” Emma almost growled, but it was to sad to course any damage.

Brows raised and arms crossed, Regina shook her head. “I have a lot of questions.” She admitted.

“Ask away.” Emma shrugged. Her tone cold, bitter, and yet so desperate.

Regina took a moment, watching Emma, something was off. Emma’s mood was like something she had never seen. Regina hadn’t even smelt liquor on Emma when she entered so daringly. No, this wasn’t a drunken state. This was something Regina had never seen, possibly something Emma had never felt. But, as her curiosity got the better of her, Regina had brushed those thoughts off and found herself wondering if this was her chance. Would tonight, of all fucking nights, be her chance to get all the answers she had ever wanted.

It took Regina moment to push the words off of her tongue, “You never left. Why?”

The look on Emma’s face told Regina she need not explain further. Emma knew exactly what she meant. “I tried for weeks after that night to leave, and I just couldn’t.” Emma took a couple of steps closer to Regina. “And whatever wild wacky death adventure drew me away, you were always the guiding light to bring me home. And it took me so long to realise why.”

Regina glared at Emma, so curious and so fucking anxious. _Why, why, why?_ Emma was no more than three feet from Regina, and it was then that Regina could feel the knots in her stomach. “Again, why?”

Emma let out a hollow laugh and began rub at her face, as if she had had this conversation a thousand times over. “I’m such a fucking idiot.” Emma sighed, her nails now clawing across her scalp.

Regina couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped her lips. “Why?” She asked again, it would be impossible not to be able to find the humour in this conversation.

Looking over to Regina Emma rolled her eyes, a smile pulling across her otherwise gloomy face. “It took me until tonight to realise, that’s why,” Emma’s mood was starting to improve with Regina’s playful attitude.

Regina shot Emma a glare and she unfolded her arms only to lightly wack Emma’s shoulder. “Don’t make me ask again.” Though Regina’s deminer was playful, there was a dead serious look in her eye.

Emma nodded, taking in a deep breath, and on her exhale, she blurted, “You’re the love of my life.”

Regina pushed herself off of the door and was in Emma’s personal space within seconds. “What?” Surely, she hadn’t heard that right. Regina was franticly searching Emma’s eyes for an answer. What kind of a cruel God must there be if this was truly happening? Regina had taken a second to question whether she was actually awake. And as Emma spoke again, Regina realised she was.

“And I’m an idiot for not realising until my wedding night to another person.” Emma explained further.

“That, I can agree with.” Regina opted for the safer option, because revealing her own feelings felt like a little much right now. Regina was curious, and scared- no, terrified. Because of none of this made sense. Emma had rejected her, a thousand times over. Emma had proven time and time again that she wasn’t in love with Regina.

Shoving her hands into her pockets Emma looked to the ground, shame and anxiety written all over her face. “I should have known sooner.” Emma sighed, “If I’m being honest, I think I always knew, I think there has always been a part of me that has loved you. But, in some ways, it was easier to ignore than to confront.”

Always fucking knew? Regina scoffed internally- Then Emma must be a sadist and a masochist all at once, Regina couldn’t help the thought that if it was purely a sexual preference she wouldn’t mind, but emotional turmoil wasn’t her style. Regina, more than anything right now felt sad, mourning what could have been if they had been honest with each other, but she couldn’t help the sassy remark that came next. “Geez, thanks,”

Emma glared. “Surely, you can understand that, in some way.”

It was then, with those words that Regina realised Emma truly had no idea, no inclination as too how Regina felt. “You really are an idiot.” She sighed; this should have been a happy moment- if not one of the best nights of her life. The love of her life was telling her she felt the same, and yet Regina just felt tired. This was all wrong and Regina knew she deserved better, not by much, but common decency? She deserved that much.

“You’re not wrong, but dare I ask, why?” Emma looked curiously at Regina; it was obvious there was something wrong- something Emma couldn’t figure out.

Regina nodded slowly, taking a moment to respond. “I have loved you for years, Em,” Somehow, through all the hurt her words were so simple, so easy to say, and each word was filled with nothing but love.

Emma’s eyes widened, her smile consuming her entire face. “What?” She took another step towards Regina. “Why didn’t you say anything?” Emma reached out, her hand now caressing Regina’s arm.

Hopelessly, Regina shrugged, “I tried, a few times, but it was always so messy. I figured; it would be best to let at least one of us have a happy love life.” And that was the truth. In death-defying moments or those of such heightened emotion, Regina had come close to admitting her feelings, but there was always something, or someone, stopping her.

Emma took a deep breath, nodding. She knew Regina was right, it would have been messy, but surely not messier than it currently was. “And, I suppose it was best for me to figure out my feelings for you on my own.”

“Yes, I suppose so,” Regina agreed, knowing that if she told Emma her feelings and Emma hadn’t realised her own then she would pull away, and Regina always feared it would be completely. Regina knew Emma, well, and still after all these years, flight was her natural instinct.

“I really wasn’t expecting this,” Emma gestured- everywhere.

Regina let out a low chuckle, “Every way I dreamed of this day, and it was never quite like _this_.” Regina had spent hours upon hours dreaming, day-dreaming, of this very moment. It was never so sad, it never felt wrong. But Regina supposed she hadn’t fully won over karma yet, so she couldn’t argue.

Emma stepped even closer, both of her hands of Regina’s respective arms. “Then tell me, how did you imagine it?” Her words soft, full of hope.

Looking into Emma’s eyes, Regina took a moment to really think. “I suppose, I had always hoped you come to your senses, then come running to me.” Regina explained. It seemed easy enough, and in every scenario, Emma would make her feel safe, warm and wanted. But right now?

“Is that not what’s happened here?” Emma prodded with a light laugh.

Regina shook her head sadly. “It was never your wedding night,” Regina added bluntly. “And it was always happy,” Regina sighed. “it was always joyful embraces and kissing.”

“We can make that happen.” Emma wiggled her eyebrows with a smirk- so quick to dismiss all the hurt and pain.

Regina hated that she wasn’t happy, hated that she couldn’t just accept this and blissfully fall into the arms of the woman she loved so much. “Emma,” She just about growled. “You have a husband, you got married _today_.” Regina could feel the tears welling in her eyes, she put it down to too much wine, but deep down she knew better. “For 6 years you have ignored any and all feelings between us, you’ve pretended like there was _never_ anything between us.” Regina couldn’t help but let go of the tears she was holding so tight. “You rejected me.” Regina choked on a sob. “You switched off completely after that night.”

Taking her hands from Regina's arms only to put them into her pockets once more, Emma nodded. “I’m sorry.” She took a raggedy breath, her own tears not too far from falling either. “I was an idiot back then, and I’m an idiot now.”

“I need you to take more responsibly than that.”

“6 years ago, I didn’t have a clue, I was drawn to you- but up until _that night_ , I had assumed it was because of Henry. I quickly learnt better.” Emma moved backwards only to take a stepped option on the steps of the foyer. “After I realised, I couldn’t leave, I again, put it down to Henry. I hated myself so much for enjoying the sex we had. I was so confused. We fought, constantly, we literally beat each other up in a car park for Christ sake!” Emma’s face was in her hands. “And all I could think about was how much I wanted to sleep with you, again.” Emma ripped her face from hands and stared at Regina. “What kind of fucked up, toxic relationship would that have been?”

Regina took a breath and fell back against the door, this time letting her body slide downwards until she too was sitting, knees in front of her body as if to act as a shield from the rest of the world. She closed her eyes, her mind a blur.

“I had to ignore my lust, desire- whatever, for you. I knew back then, and I know it now, that if we had had any kind of physical relationship it would have been devastating. Maybe it was harsh, but if I hadn’t made that clean break, we would have destroyed each other.” Emma wasn’t playing around now, her words strong, mind stronger.

Regina let out a low humming growl. “I know. Don’t you think I know that?” She looked up to Emma, chasing her eyes- unwilling to let go. “I’m not saying I wanted a relationship. I’m saying that you switching off completely was bullshit, and some form of acknowledgement would have been nice. You know, after we became friends,”

Emma glared, throwing her arms into the empty space between them. “When on earth would I talk to you about something like that, Regina?”

Regina let her fist fly into the door behind her, the loud bang echoed throughout the house. “Maybe when I tried to bring it up!” Regina sighed, wiping at a tear that was threatening to drip from her chin. “You would always shut it down.” It was almost impressive how Emma always managed to change the topic when Regina tried to bring up their past. But avoidance was something both women had grown to excel at.

Slumping her shoulders, Emma groaned. “Never intentionally, I can honestly say I never noticed you trying to bring it up. If I had, I would have at least the decency to talk with you about it.”

Regina could feel her blood begin to boil, she didn’t want any of this, she didn’t ask for this- and tonight, she didn’t want it. “But you never bought it up?” Regina sighed letting her head fall against the door, eyes tightly shut. “How oblivious are you?”

Emma shrugged. “Clearly very,” Emma moved to a kneeling position in front of Regina. “I’m sorry. I was so scared. I took so long just to be your friend, I thought that if I brought it up, I would screw up everything we fought to build. I thought it was something you wanted to forget.”

Regina knew Emma was close, and so she blindly reached for her, unwilling to open her eyes.

Emma gently took Regina’s hands. “Besides, I didn’t think that after the curse broke you would want to acknowledge the fact that you fucked Snow-White’s daughter.” Her words were lighter, joking even.

Regina groaned, opening her eyes to Emma. “You’re not entirely wrong, I suppose it would have never been as simple as I would have hoped.”

“You suppose?” Emma jabbed lightly, testing the waters with Regina’s playful side.

Regina rolled her eyes, though there was a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. “But that doesn’t excuse the fact that you’re married- here on your wedding night no less, admitting you love another person.” And that was probably one of the first things Regina should have questioned, because it made no sense- Emma should have realised sooner.

Letting out a hum of agreement Emma nodded. “I know it’s a lot, all of this. But I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t ethical,” It was almost a question with the way Emma’s voice pitched, it was probably about word choice. “throughout the entire ceremony the only person I could look at was you. And when I said I do; I couldn’t help but imagine saying those words to you. It’s awful, I know, but the wedding was like a light switch, it was like all of a sudden, I realised how madly in love with you I was. Killian and I went back to the Jolly Roger after the reception and I found myself unable to kiss him, unable to look at his with anything but regret. I told him, told him I didn’t love him and that I was in love with you.”

Bewildered, Regina looked to Emma for more explanation. Emma had explained it as if it were so easy, as if she was changing her mind between a burger and a warp after ordering. Regina could only wish for it to be that easy.

“All he said was, _I knew the sea was the only one for me,_ then he told me to leave. I watched him untie from the docks before fully walking away. Eventually, I found myself at your door.” Emma shifted position, now sitting crossed legged in front of Regina.

Regina took in a deep breath, It wasn't completely unlike Killian to just give up- Though Regina mused he would be back in a month or two ready to fight for Emma. “Still doesn’t change the fact that you married him. That you’re married.” Regina argued, though at this point she didn’t want to argue, no, she just wanted to sleep. All of this was just too much.

Regina wasn’t wrong, Emma thought. “I did, and I shouldn’t have, but we aren’t legally married. We didn’t sign the papers- Killian wanted to do it at sea.”

Regina let out a low hollow laugh. “Doesn’t really make it better,”

Emma laughed as well, “It does, marginally.” She held up her thumb and forefinger a centimetre apart.

“Marginally,” She agreed. But marginally wasn’t nearly enough.

“How can I make this better?” Emma asked as she gestured between them.

“I don’t know, Emma,” Regina shook her head. “I’m so tired.” Regina’s brain was functioning at about 30% and that was nowhere near enough for this conversation.

Emma yawed at the realisation of how tired she was as well. “How about we sleep, figure the rest out later.”

Regina could do that; it was an acceptable plan. “Okay,” approved.

Emma stood first, quickly to take Regina’s hands and pull her to her feet. “Good night, Regina.” Emma leant in slowly and left a soft kiss on Regina’s cheek before reaching for the door handle. “I’ll come back tomorrow.” She promised as she cracked open the door.

Regina shook her head, flattening her palm against the door and closing it with a light push. “The love of my life just told me that she loves me too, there is no way you’re not sleeping in my bed tonight.”

There was no argument to be made, in fact, Emma couldn’t be more pleased with the idea. And so, she easily took Regina’s hand when it was offered to her. Regina wordlessly lead Emma up the stairs, down the hall and into her bedroom, a place Emma had only been once before. But, this, it was a redo, a fresh start. Regina was stopped, her arm pulled back by Emma’s unwillingness to move more than a foot into the room.

Regina looked to Emma softly, noticing there was a question on her lips, one she couldn’t ask. But, after taking a moment to capture Emma’s eyes, Regina knew exactly what to say. “We aren’t who we used to be, Em.” And that seemed to be enough.

Emma stepped further into the room, closer to Regina. Easily Emma wrapped her arms around Regina’s waist and pulled her in tightly. Regina melted into the hug, her head resting in the crook of Emma’s neck, the smell of vanilla spice filling her nose once more. The embrace lasted quite some time, neither woman willing to let go.

Smiling to herself Regina took in a deep breath, and on her exhale, she let go of the pain of the past. She knew that there was more to be done, more to be talked but, but letting go of the past seemed to be the starting point of her next chapter.

Regina was the first to pull from the embrace, quickly pulling off her own shirt she gestured for Emma to do the same. Regina was ready for bed; thus, she was ready to rid herself of her day wear. In the preference for speed, both women opted for underwear over sleepwear and quickly enough they were under the covers. All lights off and nothing star light slipping into the room.

“I do love you, Emma,” Regina assured, her eyes closed and body turned from Emma, but her words still full of meaning.

“I know, I love you too,” Emma mumbled against Regina’s back as she snuggled in closer, her arm tightly wrapping around Regina’s waist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's the story. Hopefully, you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> A review or kudo would be greatly appreciated.


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